500 Miles
(A fashionable distance! But disambiguation compels us to admit that we are talking about the 1988 song by The Proclaimers.)
Bro has (we deduce) a very toxic girlfriend. He assures her of his devotion in a dozen or so vertiginously escalating ways, ranging from the commonplace, through the distasteful, to the bizarre, and most of which ought to be irrelevant or unnecessary. We can almost see her, sitting like a queen, flatly accepting all of this nonsense as no more than her due, or düe.
But a hook is a hook is a hook, as Gtde Stein might have said if she had any sense of music (an allegation that has not been made); and bro's most distinctive accomplishment is his ability to leap a minor seventh, which most of his competitors could no more do than they could swallow a cinder block. Of such things are "singles" made. It is, overtly, a stunt, and each time (so many times) it brings him to the edge of a hysterical crack that almost redeems the song by introducing the suspicion of self-parody -- a suspicion that is greatly enhanced by the passive-aggressive wisecrack buried deep in the nth verse:
And when the money/Comes in for the work I do/I'll pass almost every penny on to you
Maybe bro is not such a fool after all...? I, too, can sing a seventh, but it is not a boast to point out that that is one of the least of my accomplishments.